The Ticks Feeding on Ethiopia

የኢትዮዽያ መዥገሮች

Happy and prosperous new year to you and your family! Without further ado, let’s get to the tick metaphor. I didn’t study animal sciences, but hung out long enough around my father’s farm to learn about cattle ticks. For those of you curious about ticks, you can head over to Queensland Government’s webpage with a helpful information.

Just a tiny warning: if you are not familiar with my writing style and one who winces at a sight of a swear word, I would suggest you hit the back button. If you are cool with some profanity and unsavory descriptions, keep reading.

Of course, the biggest tick (I would have said dick, but you’re telling me you’re ቅዱስ) sucking Ethiopia’s blood is Abiy Ahmed. I would consider him to be the female tick guzzling to fall off and die. By die, I mean figuratively. Yes, Abiy Ahmed’s reign has died. Most may not see it, but it’s over. I will explain why.

Abiy sold his image as a visionary leader who would usher the rule of law and democracy in Ethiopia. His faux of visionary fooled the of late irrelevant Nobel Committee in Norway. No visionary leader would dream of prosperity through violence. A visionary leader would not think wars would be quick and easy. No visionary leader would snub good allies like the United States and coddle dictators like Erdogan of Turkey and Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea. Visionary leaders don’t think instability is good for any investment, let alone foreign investment. Think again if you thought Ethiopia had gone through hell. There are more challenges ahead.

Whether it was just to fulfil his mother’s prophecy of him becoming a ንጉሥ or, the rumored gold reserve heist, Abiy’s run has hit a wall. His primary goal could have just been stroking his own ego that somehow, he is the chosen one to put Ethiopia on a prosperous path—whatever that means. It might mean all Ethiopians speaking Amharic, wearing ነጠላ and congregating to kiss his feet à la Tamagn Beyene. He is not done because he accomplished his goals and can’t suck blood out of Ethiopia anymore. He is done because he inflicted the maximum damage possible to that country, and people will soon realize what happened. They will realize their lives turned for the worse since he came to power. They will realize they can’t go to their neighbors for help anymore because their neighbors are of different ethnic group. And people will start asking questions. It would not surprise me if western intelligence agencies helped some pragmatist to come to power. Abiy has shown his stupidity to everyone, and no one is going to touch that shit with a ten-foot pole.

He can even speed up the downfall by attempting to enter Tigray again. He will fail miserably, not because of Tigray Defense Force’s strength. Yes, they are strong, but they have also shown they are not strong enough to finish him off. If Abiy or Isaias tried to enter Mekelle again, it would be an invitation for international actors like UN peacekeepers, or worse, western forces entering the region to protect civilians and carry out humanitarian missions. They would have to get rid of Abiy and possibly Isaias to accomplish that.

The stench of Abiy’s war will linger for years, if not decades. Some may not realize the war’s effects on their livelihood, but it would reach every corner of Ethiopia. Ethiopia’s currency is of less value that even a small infusion of US Dollars and Euro as aid would change lives for the better. When the focus goes somewhere else, like feeding starved people in Tigray or Amhara, those small infusions won’t come to Butajira. Even Addis Abebes won’t be safe. Actually, they are the most vulnerable, as they depend on others for food.

Abiy is close to done. I think I said done-done, but I can amend it. My house, my rules. Who are you to tell me otherwise? That leaves a troublesome group of ticks. The male ticks, according to the Queensland Government, are insatiable. They can feed over and over. I’m talking about the repatriated diaspora who are carrying Abiy’s coat. Without these lackeys, Abiy Ahmed would have fallen a long time ago. First, I’m not a fan of the former diaspora. I think they are total losers. We lost some and won some. They sucked at life. I have a bone to pick with them.

There are also groups in the former diaspora. Some went back to start a business. I feel bad for this group. I also think they should have known what they were getting into. Others thought there would be a change. This latter group includes Jawar Mohammed. Abiy probably told Jawar his intentions when they used to run in the same circles. Maybe Jawar’s analytical mind couldn’t let him join Abiy’s cult group.

Abiy’s plan from the get-go appeared to be of paralyzing the opposition—instead of sharing power. He or his handlers, like Daniel Kibret, thought luring the opposition with a luxurious lifestyle and getting them hooked would be an effective strategy to render them harmless to their vision. Speaking of Daniel Kibret, a blog he ran at danielkibret dot com exposes him as a savage grifter who really believes in his incoherent rants—could make the best examples for “flight of ideas” in Psychiatry classes. He is outright delusional.

The strategy worked flawlessly. Lencho Letta, for example, was the center of attention in Oromo politics. The man admired for his oratory skills and toured all over Europe and North America to collect money for his clique, abruptly announced he was no longer interested in politics. Perhaps he had multiple offers and took the retirement option. Old age comes with many issues and maintenance needs. Threats of taking a condominium away, or fear of spending time in a jail with a limited supply of cholesterol medications, can be scary. He doesn't want to return to the west for obvious reasons. Abiy and his people would, from time to time, prop Lencho in front of a camera, so that he could fling feces towards his former battle buddies. He is a useful idiot. He is one of the weak ticks left with a few more years of feeding.

While Lencho’s feeding years are short, the younger ticks pose a greater danger to that country and its people. If you’re a diaspora, I’m about to burst your bubble. Don’t worry, I would be gentle. If you’re a prospective diaspora, this is where you learn what to expect and possibly prepare for it. Diaspora's life is not as glamorous. Although, I wouldn’t trade spot with any millionaire in Ethiopia. Just trust me on that one. It’s better here. In the words of the former single-term-twice-impeached President of the United States, Donald Trump, that shithole country cannot be a home for me. I cherish freedom too much. I enjoy speaking my mind. A country with no free press and independent judiciary is not worth fighting for. Period.

If you’re a PhD holder or got one of those advanced degrees from Ethiopia (other than health and computer sciences) and just landed at JFK or Dulles, shed the goddamned title. Changing your name could even be better. I’m trying to say your PhD is useless and the psychological preparation is good for your wellbeing. Those of you with undergraduate degrees should just forget them and settle with the fact that your high school documents are more useful than them college diplomas. If you have no college degree, you’re set up for success. Keep your head down and work hard. And go to school.

The problem with the highly educated coming to the west expecting cushy jobs is that they are not truthful with themselves. Sit down, dumb fuck! You don’t even speak the language. Your English is not that great. You know nothing, Jon Snow! That thing they told you was English is gibberish. You should prepare yourself to take any job—janitorial, stocking shelves, or whatever. Yours truly has done quite a few of them. Frankly, those jobs will humble you more than anything you have ever done.

That is where the former diaspora, now ብልጥጌ, failed. They are lazy. Super lazy. They submitted their resumes to UC Berkeley, Duke and Harvard, and expected call backs as if those institutions would fawn over them. Their sense of entitlement was through the roof. They waited for weeks. Weeks turned into months. They never heard from the institutions. They thought they were overqualified to do the menial jobs to earn a living. Instead, they became dependent on friends, mates, families and community. The mate situation is interesting because no one is going to fuck a bum sitting at home all day, earning nothing. Imagine Hewan, the server, who worked a 12-hour shift at Dukem Restaurant coming back to her live-in boyfriend who has been mooching off of her for almost a year. Do you believe they will get it on that night? Fat chance, bro. It would get worse. The live-in boyfriend couldn't get it up because of depression. See how he went from a shiny PhD holder to a bum in a sexless relationship? I’m not trying to embarrass you, the reader, when I focus on this aspect of the former diaspora’s life. In a moment, you'll see its relevance.

Now, imagine Hewan’s Ex-live-in boyfriend who went back to Ethiopia when Abiy came to power and invited everyone. Do you think he would come back to his DC depression and prolonged sex drought? No. He would rather carry Abiy’s coat and get laid at his five-star hotel in Finfinnee. There is an unlimited supply of chicks, ready to open the legs at the utterance of the words: “diaspora” and ባለስልጣን. I don’t blame the women, but I sure do the failed diaspora for taking advantage of them. Although some might suffer from an erectile dysfunction, the counterfeit Viagra from China would do the trick. I, for one, won’t miss them if the fake Viagra gave them all heart attacks. The kids would say they're about the life. The highlife is addictive. I feel like a broken record, but they are lazy. They're not there to help the people. The “it’s our turn” mantra is true—the former diasporas think it’s their turn. These fucks have nowhere to go. They are hopeless. They are not twenty-something full of energy ready to explore the world. Their dream of prospering in the west and lifting their loved ones out of poverty has vanished. They will do everything in their power to maintain their current lavish lifestyle, even if it means turning that country 200 years back. They don’t give a fuck about anyone else.

Have you heard from Berhanu Nega since he got the Minister of Education gig? You would never hear from him because he is busy feeding off of your teats. All he wanted was that life. He was not fighting for Ethiopians’ rights and properties. He was fighting for himself. It did not satisfy his ego when he had a teaching gig at Bucknell University. At least he was one of the few with an actual job. His rating on RateMyProfessors was fair, even though his students thought he was out-of-date with the current thinking of economics.

Lately, there appears trouble in paradise. Corruption won’t be as easy as it used to be. You can take Taye Dendea’s recent quibbles with his colleagues. Taye, deputy minister of peace (an ironic title because he is always in a fight) appears to be a puppet of Abiy Ahmed. That says something about Taye himself. He might be free of the corruptions going on and gained Abiy’s trust. Abiy is in a financial pinch. He is between a rock and a hard place. He cannot afford to spend money on politicians whose only ambition is to gobble red meat and secure as many plots of land as they can—most likely to sell them back.

Last, I know people in that impoverished empire will chart their own path out. It won’t be easy. I wish them all the best!

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